During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
