put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
