why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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