It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I DEMAND FORESKIN
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
