Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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