Screwed.edu
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
