Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
