..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
