I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
