The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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