so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize