I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
