Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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