i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
