I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
