Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
