I skipped work to stalk him.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
