whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
