I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
