if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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