totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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