I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
