I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
