Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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