When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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