When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
