well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
