never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
