They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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