Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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