Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
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I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
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No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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