I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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