You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
