my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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