We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
