So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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