I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
