There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
