Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
