I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Let's paint friendship bongs
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
