FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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