Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
