I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
