I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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