Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
