I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.