is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.