im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude