i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Randomize
