Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude it was a lap dance

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  (410): That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club (301): Dude it was a lap dance http://tfl.nu/d6y0
  Replies (15) Good night (1579) Bad night (508)
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  (858): View more from California

  you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.

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  (858): you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch. http://tfl.nu/r7zt
  Replies (2) Good night (747) Bad night (1481)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.

  (207): View more from Maine

  sorry im really high

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  (207): You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage. (207): sorry im really high http://tfl.nu/3k8n
  Replies (11) Good night (1094) Bad night (1682)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.

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  (248): I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me. http://tfl.nu/tfpk
  Replies (73) Good night (730) Bad night (3074)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job

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  (616): hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job http://tfl.nu/32u0
  Replies (16) Good night (1196) Bad night (3089)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.

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  (918): The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting. http://tfl.nu/0qq1
  Replies (40) Good night (5025) Bad night (729)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.

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  (604): Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him. http://tfl.nu/v9q2
  Replies (16) Good night (4215) Bad night (1086)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.

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  (816): I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen. http://tfl.nu/atwf
  Replies (10) Good night (3144) Bad night (1098)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.

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  (520): The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears. http://tfl.nu/pc9j
  Replies (11) Good night (2730) Bad night (892)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.

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  (502): I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high. http://tfl.nu/gsqh
  Replies (8) Good night (1971) Bad night (714)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Like handprints on my lower back...

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  (615): Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines. (615): Like handprints on my lower back... http://tfl.nu/9y3r
  Replies (3) Good night (2017) Bad night (543)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.

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  (218): I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday. http://tfl.nu/vjch
  Replies (4) Good night (1460) Bad night (506)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".

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  (507): You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air". http://tfl.nu/l9as
  Replies (4) Good night (1136) Bad night (501)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...

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  (910): The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video... http://tfl.nu/iq5u
  Replies (5) Good night (2335) Bad night (582)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.

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  (828): Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart. http://tfl.nu/7jwu
  Replies (2) Good night (801) Bad night (346)

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