so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
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You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.