You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.