my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.