I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole