either way he was missing a nipple.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
