Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
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My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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