A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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