rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
