Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
