Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
