We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
