Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize