dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
