what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
