I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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