So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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