The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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