don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
