Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize