My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
