i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
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I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize