Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
