I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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