There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
