Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
