someone threw a dead crab at me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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