There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
