every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she told me i tasted like america
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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