Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Randomize
