Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
