Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
