Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Still dying that you shit outside
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
third nipple confirmed
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
