I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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