My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
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My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
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Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
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