And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
