last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
