what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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