Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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