you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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